Ever asked the question, why am I still single? I sure have. When I was single, I asked it nearly every day — especially as more and more of my friends were dropping like flies. There I was, the 7th wheel for what felt like an eternity. So, I did a little soul searching and asked a mentor or two what they thought. They asked me some questions, and went through the 6 reasons why I could still be single. Here’s what they told me… And, after spending years as a leader in a young-adult organization in the time following, I have to say they were spot on. So, hang on. Here are 6 Reasons Why You (Could) Still Be Single.
1. You Haven’t Become Dateable
If you want to find someone — let alone the right one — look no further than within yourself. Improving yourself is something we should all do, so if you need some motivation, there it is.
Become the type of person that your dream girl or dream guy would want.
They may be out there, but would they like you? Would a pretty, successful, smart, active woman want to date a fat guy who spends his days off playing video games and eating pizza?
2. You’re Looking In The Wrong Places
Odds are you’re not going to find the love of your life in a bar. Hookup, yes. Fling? Sure thing. But quality relationship material? Doubtful. I’m not one to bash dating apps, as I know many couples who met online or on an app. Just be sure you’re not inviting the wrong kind of attention, or sending the wrong message. If your profile is “bro-ey” (aka douchy) or slutty — you’re not sending the message that you want a real relationship. You’re sending the message that it’s booty-call o’clock.
3. You’re Looking For “The One” — And They Don’t Exist
This may come across as a surprise. You’re not going to find a perfect human being. We’re imperfect — every last one of us. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you’re waiting for a walking example of perfection, you’re going to be waiting your entire life. Furthermore, you’re not going to find the perfect one for you. If we drastically over-estimate our league, we open ourselves up to a ton of missed opportunities. We all will have to make some concessions. Learning how to be selfless and work through life as two imperfect people coming together… that’s where true growth happens.
I don’t believe in The One. By that, I mean I don’t believe that there is only one person on this planet that is for you — that you’re supposed to meet, date, and marry. For most of us, we will come across several people who we could end up marrying — and live as happily ever after as possible.
So, don’t be so focused on finding The One. You should be be far more worried about ending up with the wrong person, than not ending up with the right person. Because the wrong person can ruin your f*@%ing life.
4. You’re Hiding
You’re going to stay single if you don’t meet anyone. That’s a fact. Imaginary friends and pets aren’t great dating material. The mailman doesn’t even come to the front door anymore, so unless you have a serious thing for the pizza delivery person, I suggest you leave the house if you ever want to find someone — or find another pizza place.
5. You’re Desperate
You know what I’m saying. Mmhmm. You’ve got SINGLE slapped on your forehead — and you hate it. You complain about it. All. The. Time. Your “prospects” (or lack thereof) are all you can talk about. You make decisions on weekend plans based solely around if there will be any girls/guys there. You’re single, and everyone knows you sure don’t want to be. People can sense desperation – and some take advantage of it.
Remember this. Being single doesn’t define you.
6. It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet
Everybody has a different time and timing with their love life. Some get married early, some later on. Some start dating in middle school, and others don’t find a girlfriend/boyfriend until their mid 20s. If you’re working on yourself, finding community, being patient, have reasonable expectations, and are getting out there — you’re fine. Just give it time. It may feel like an eternity, but I can assure you that you’re normal. Everybody has a different path. Yours is unique to you.
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